It's been a funny sort of day, hasn't it?

#fc20a2f8 / read by Nikhil-91

I've known him since primary school, you know? I like having him around, he's a laugh.

#f0201b77 / read by Nikhil-91

He's not my Dad, he's my stepdad!

#ef4b5444 / read by Nikhil-91

Oh! Hello! Who's a pretty boy, then?

#eebfe65d / read by Brinda-85

This is a pub! We are in a pub! What are we going to do now?

#ed23f06d / read by Nikhil-91

We take Pete's car, we drive over to Mum's, we go in, take care of Philip - then we grab Mum, we go over to Liz's place, hole up, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over.

#e64f86aa / read by Nikhil-91

To recap, it is *vital* that you stay in your homes.

#e4537fc1 / read by Nikhil-91

It's four in the fucking morning!

#e08ef01d / NSFW / read by Nikhil-91

Feel free to step in any time!

#da1af965 / read by Brinda-85

But she dumped you!

#d8bc95f7 / read by Nikhil-91

In the garden, there is a girl.

#d7fcba29 / read by Nikhil-91

It's on random.

#d584b7a9 / read by Nikhil-91

One unifying detail seems to be that the attackers in many instances appear to be...

#d5647b29 / read by Nikhil-91

David, kill the Queen!

#d529769d / read by Nikhil-91

Don't forget to kill Philip!

#d23604b8 / read by Nikhil-91

I'm not gonna say, you know, there's plenty more fish in the sea.

#cc052d7d / read by Nikhil-91

See? You don't need Liz to have a good time.

#caf8ccc1 / read by Nikhil-91

You know, I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum, and my girlfriend all in the same night.

#c9a14980 / read by Nikhil-91

I think we can all appreciate the relevance of that now.

#c93498fe / read by Nikhil-91

If we hole up, I wanna be somewhere familiar, I wanna know where the exits are, and I wanna be allowed to smoke.

#c656f966 / read by Nikhil-91

Well, your mum rang about you going around tomorrow night, and then Liz rang about the two of you eating out tonight, and then your mum rang back to see if I wanted to eat her out tonight.

#c604c9b1 / read by Nikhil-91

Well maybe one should do the other, and then do themselves.

#c50ff510 / read by Nikhil-91

As Bertrand Russell once said, 'The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation.'

#bc236863 / read by Nikhil-91

It's not hip hop, it's Electro. Prick... Next time I see him, he's dead.

#ba1bcdb5 / read by Nikhil-91

Make no attempt to reach loved ones, and avoid all physical contact with the assailants.

#b98f4ca6 / read by Nikhil-91

And there's an 'I' in meat pie.

#b4e022a2 / read by Nikhil-91

You *do* realize this is a 20 mph zone ?

#acd7bf4b / read by Nikhil-91

What happened to your hand, man?

#a945d43c / read by Nikhil-91

It's not the end of the world.

#a68fa170 / read by Nikhil-91

Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about.

#a4475993 / read by Nikhil-91

And I'm not going to bombard you with cliches.

#9d9fb3b6 / read by Nikhil-91

Ohh, for God's sake! He's got an arm off!

#9af221dd / read by VIVEK-96

I'm not going to say if you love her, let her go.

#9296c2f0 / read by Nikhil-91

Oh, my God! She's so drunk!

#90c93869 / read by Jeet-66

What, because he can impersonate an orangutan?

#88835c3f / read by Nikhil-91

Well you did call him a you-know-what!

#8573384d / read by Subhajit-81

I gotta do a wee first.

#84208e79 / read by Jeet-66

Okay. But dogs CAN look up!

#7bfabae0 / read by Nikhil-91

Mum, he chased me around the garden with a bit of wood!

#70b915dc / read by VIVEK-96

Though no one official is prepared to comment, religious groups are calling it Judgement Day.

#6ff1f591 / read by Subhajit-81

.. how can you put your faith in a man you spectacularly binned for being unreliable?

#6a2c2f1d / read by Subhajit-81

Just look at the face: it's vacant, with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who's lost a bet.

#689b4319 / read by Brinda-85

Look, I don't care what the telly says, all right? We *have* to get out of here.

#663c673a / read by Subhajit-81

The zed-word. Don't say it!

#64bad555 / read by Nikhil-91

Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?

#5f91d4a4 / NSFW / read by Subhajit-81

Don't point that gun at my mum!

#5d8466c6 / read by Subhajit-81

Claims that the virus was caused by rage-infected monkeys have now been dismissed as bull...

#5c19a8ae / read by Akanksha-14

It's just with Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flat-mates out and then that only exacerbates things.

#55e16ff2 / read by Akanksha-14

Yeah, it was Guinness Extra Cold.

#54ee77f1 / read by Subhajit-81

Oh, he sells a bit of weed every now and again, you know. You've sold puff.

#544c2ba3 / read by Subhajit-81

He's not my boyfriend!

#51b8e64c / read by Jeet-66

Any zombies out there?

#4f8fe16a / read by Jeet-66

I can't see any. Maybe it's not as bad as all that.

#4eee9505 / read by Subhajit-81

Yeah, but Big Al says dogs can't look up!

#4a88ec6f / read by Subhajit-81

Do you believe everything you hear on TV?

#47279376 / read by Subhajit-81

Why is Queen still playing?

#464f625c / read by Jeet-66

A man whose idea of a romantic nightspot and an impenetrable fortress are the same thing?

#45bdf1ab / read by Subhajit-81

No, what does 'exacerbate' mean?

#3db66498 / read by Subhajit-81

I dunno by some crackheads or something, one of them bit me.

#3ccef65b / read by Subhajit-81

Fuck-a-doodle-doo!

#3b330ed4 / NSFW / read by Subhajit-81

All right, I admit, he can pretty funny on occasion.

#2ba7d8e9 / read by Subhajit-81

I know he's your best friend, but you do _live with him_.

#2a78857d / read by Subhajit-81

I did NOT call Dianne a failed actress!

#2a5618dd / read by Jeet-66

No! Go ahead, look at me. Can I just say one more thing?

#2877d060 / read by Subhajit-81

Witness reports at best are sketchy.

#282e4228 / read by Subhajit-81

As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in pie.

#271fbd15 / read by Subhajit-81

Get fucked, four eyes! Why don't you go out with her if you love her so much?

#269af394 / NSFW / read by Subhajit-81

Mum, look, what would you say if I told you that over the years Philip's been quite unkind to me?

#258944f2 / read by Subhajit-81

Well they were a bit... _bitey_.

#253c997c / read by Jeet-66

Basically, I'd say your nine lives are up, Shaun

#22a5a228 / read by Subhajit-81

You didn't tell me Barbara had a Jag. I've always wanted to drive one of those.

#2231e969 / read by Subhajit-81

Thanks, babe.

#1f197831 / read by Subhajit-81

I didn't want to cramp your style.

#168ce340 / read by Subhajit-81

That wasn't true. Made it up. Shouldn't have done. Sorry.

#15ff6782 / read by Subhajit-81

Now, I have a splitting headache, and your stupid hip hop isn't helping.

#12b3cde8 / read by Subhajit-81

Well you weren't always the easiest person to live with.

#125db5b3 / read by Subhajit-81

Philip, have you still got the child-locks on?

#1149054b / read by VIVEK-96

Some men tried to get into the house.

#1043dfd7 / read by Subhajit-81

You've got red on you.

#102e1385 / read by Jeet-66

Would anyone like... a peanut?

#0dc242b2 / read by Subhajit-81

I'm quite all right, Barbara, I ran it under a cold tap.

#0affa546 / read by Subhajit-81

If we don't they'll tear us to pieces, and that is really going to exacerbate things for all of us.

#083c95ad / read by Subhajit-81

No, Noel, no matter you might think, okay, I do not find it difficult to keep my work and my social life separate.

#015ca56e / read by Musaib-53