Office Space 1999
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me ..
Yeah, we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here.
You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor... and would have different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO.
So, if you wanted to fix old cars then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
What if - and believe me this is a hypothetical - but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity sharing program.
I wanna take you out to dinner, and then I wanna go back to my apartment and watch 'Kung Fu'. Do you ever watch 'Kung Fu'?
You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.
#d6dbe771 / read by Akanksha-14
I'll be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan.
#ce0d5ba8 / read by Akanksha-14
So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific, OK?
#bfd2523f / read by Akanksha-14
Well see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998?
#bb885e88 / read by Akanksha-14
All that stuff I said about being a crack head? It just helps me sell magazines. I'm actually an unemployed... software engineer.
#b65eb3bc / read by Akanksha-14
Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?
#b3941bd8 / read by Akanksha-14
And I understand the policy. And the problem is just that I forgot the one time.
#b0f58ddc / read by Akanksha-14
The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
#b08b3e26 / read by Akanksha-14
Alright so when the sub routine compounds the interest is uses all these extra decimal places that just get rounded off.
#af185576 / read by Akanksha-14
Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working.
#a9ddf80f / read by Akanksha-14
It's NOT wrong. INITECH is wrong. INITECH is an evil corporation, all right?
#a809bf7d / read by Akanksha-14
Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do shit.
#a44b2cc2 / read by Akanksha-14
And I've already taken care of it so it's not even really a problem anymore.
#a449922e / read by Akanksha-14
Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself.
#a390c7e0 / read by Subhajit-81
We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get.
#a29ac6e6 / read by Akanksha-14
.. we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way.
Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.
#9ab5d278 / read by Akanksha-14
.. but through some kind of glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck.
It's just we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports before they go out now.
That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions.
#926e8fb0 / read by Subhajit-81
I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities...
#90c49d02 / read by Akanksha-14
You haven't been showing up and you get to keep your job.
#90a09154 / read by Shriram-60
I don't know, I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice talking to both of you guys.
So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
#8d74cea2 / read by Shriram-60
Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day.
#8d3caea7 / read by Subhajit-81
The ratio of people to cake is too big.
#8c2fa5f9 / read by Subhajit-81
We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison.
#8b4648de / read by Subhajit-81
If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
#89c5e72a / read by Subhajit-81
Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register.
#88d2ccfe / read by Shriram-60
No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right.
#88bf27f3 / read by Subhajit-81
I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to.
#8851e63c / read by Shriram-60
The point of the exercise is that you're supposed to figure out what you would want to do if...
Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?
#86a852e1 / read by Shriram-60
I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now ..
Now we had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.
Peter, you're in deep shit. You were supposed to come in on Saturday. What were you doing?
I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people.
#803dc4f4 / read by Subhajit-81
Peter Gibbons, you've led a trite and meaningless life. And you're a very bad person.
Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?
#7b7c4aef / read by Subhajit-81
So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it.
Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
#7647af2a / read by Subhajit-81
Hey, he helped Anne lose weight.
#752ef447 / read by Subhajit-81
That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job.
#702aa346 / read by Shriram-60
.. because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry ..
No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with.
.. so, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
#6a8014f7 / read by Shriram-60
We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday.
#679c5878 / read by Shriram-60
Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well.
#6624e2e8 / read by Shriram-60
I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch.
#6551d9f3 / read by Shriram-60
I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.
#62a7b8c8 / read by Shriram-60
That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom.
#5e029c2a / read by Subhajit-81
Now Milton, don't be greedy, let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece.
I looked into it more deeply and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off five years ago and no one ever told him about it ..
Samir and I are the best programmers they got at that place.
#56f43d36 / read by Shriram-60
You think the pet rock was a really great idea?
#569c0dde / read by Subhajit-81
Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars.
#554fff37 / read by Subhajit-81
Yeah, well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
#55045ca1 / read by Shriram-60
Yeah, I know him. I know him! He's my boss! He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss!
It was a 'Jump to Conclusions' mat.
#4f772cb6 / read by Subhajit-81
Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation?
Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and...
#47f9ec0f / read by Shriram-60
I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit.
I must have put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail.
#40395710 / read by Subhajit-81
And here's something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now.
#3fe475ed / read by Subhajit-81
Milt, we're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B.
For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings 'When a Man Loves a Woman'.
#38cd1c8e / read by Shriram-60
What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe?
#31f41195 / read by Subhajit-81
So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.
#30cf1a62 / read by Shriram-60
This isn't Riyadh. You know they're not gonna saw your hands off here, alright?
#30335a7f / read by Subhajit-81
So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. All right!
We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem is solved from your end.
We're looking up 'money laundering' in a dictionary.
#2b615591 / read by Shriram-60
Hmm... well, why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
#2ac4a6bb / read by Shriram-60
.. why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
#2ac4a6bb-a / read by VIVEK-96
_And I think_ if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work.
You see, what we're actually trying to do here is, we're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work...
What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
#2454dcb8 / read by Subhajit-81
What would you do if you had a million dollars?
#24313e2a / read by Subhajit-81
So, where do you work, Peter?
#237dbbb7 / read by Subhajit-81
There *was* nothing wrong with it... until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
#21274021 / read by Shriram-60
Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it.
It would be nice to have that kind of job security.
#1f1f1456 / read by Shriram-60
Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man.
#19484f1a / read by Shriram-60
Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.
It's a problem of motivation, all right?
#13ad614e / read by Shriram-60
So we simplified the whole thing, we rounded them all down, drop the remainder into an account we opened.
_So we simplified the_ whole thing, we rounded them all down, drop the remainder into an account we opened.
#1308f358-a / read by VIVEK-96
I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean.
It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us.
#0fa83ad8 / read by Shriram-60
But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.
Peter, she's anorexic!
#0900dcc6 / read by Shriram-60
I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of shit out the window.
#084b782f / read by Shriram-60
No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
#0028acea / read by Subhajit-81